Chicken Soup for the Mumbaikar

A poem on the Chicken - Mumbaikar

I am just a chicken

Who lives in a coop

Who is afraid that one day

It will end up being in a soup...

I am too afraid of when

One day, will come the hen

So I hide away in the pen

To get away from them…

More chickens are added each day to the pen

A lot more than, that can be handled by the hen

Now each day we fight for the space

So that we don’t end up in a daze…

Soon I should leave this coop

To avoid being part of the soup

That would be made a day when

If not with me, then with another hen...

Along then came the farmer

Who brought along his hammer

To fix the door of the pen

Oh how will I escape then...

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Auggieism #17 - Times

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Auggieism#15 - 1st Lady

Auggieism#16 - Beauty

My 3rd Painting - Solitary Twilight

My 3rd Painting the earlier one was Split Angel feedback, comments appreciated.

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Bottle Painting

An attempt made at bottle painting, was a difficult task since the black which is supposed to outline the drawing refused to come out of the tube, anyways have a look..

Dalmore - Front

This is the front of a Dalmore Bottle used the head to add to the painting..

Dalmore - Back

Back of the bottle a house drawn like when I was 5 yrs old... lol..

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Auggieism #16 - Beauty

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Auggieism#14 - Luck

Auggieism#15 - 1st Lady

Auggieism #15 - 1st Lady

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Auggieism#13 - Obama

Auggieism#14 - Luck

Auggieism #14 - Luck

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Auggieism#12 - Constipation

Auggieism#13 - Obama

Auggieism #13 - Obama

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Auggieism#11- Alcohol Test

Auggieism#12 - Constipation

Solution to stop police raiding clubs in mumbai

Solution to Police Raiding Clubs

Here is my simple solution to stop the Mumbai police from raiding clubs, bars and any other party known to have been raided.

1. Register a new religion. Lets call it "Boozeda" or "Allcohollji" or "Dancicko" or something creative, you get the drift.

2. Have quite a lot of people sign up as followers of this religion. Try and make it a majority of the state.

3. Create a design / symbol to represent this religion.

4. Lay down the rules to the religion like
   a) you can be part of "boozeda" and any other religion that you choose.
   b) you must party every weekend or the god would be offended.
   c) dancing is a must at these parties.
   d) alcohol must be present, and at least a few should consume it... you get the drift again..

5. Have the design / symbol present at every party you organise.

6. Get minimun of one political party to support this religion..

7. Don forget the Tax benefit to religious institutions..

now you can go ahead and party like crazy...

we all know that you can get away with almost anything in the name of religion in this country...

Lets make this happen...

OR

just change the laws so that innocent people can have some fun without having to go to the cops station..

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Auggieism #12 - Constipation

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Auggieism#10 - Balls

Auggieism#11- Alcohol Test

Auggieism #11 - Alcohol

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Auggieism#9 - Instagram

Auggieism#10 - Balls

Auggieism #10 - Ball's

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Auggieism#8 - Irony

Auggieism#9 - Instagram

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Auggieism #9 - Instagram

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Auggieism#7 - Cooked

Auggieism#8 - Irony

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Auggieism #8 - Irony

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Auggieism#6 - Bank Balance

Auggieism#7 - Cooked

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BOMBAY CATHOLIC GOAN

BOMBAY CATHOLIC GOAN

OK this one is not fully original.. lifted off here and there and some more additions made..

You know your a Bombay Catholic GOAN when...

You never say Mumbai.

You've been living in Bombay all your life, but you're actually from Goa or Mangalore.
The first thing you ask another catholic is "which parish men?"

Every sentence you say ends with "men".

"Men" is used irrespective of gender.

And most sentences you say begin with "cheh men"

You and your girlfriend are "friendly".

Women are "chicks" and men are "buggers".

It's okay if you skipped your best friend's birthday, but Sunday 9 o'clock mass, have to go men, to meet da chicks and da buggers.

Sunday is chicken curry day.

On a Saturday night, you want to go out for a "cupple-a-beers men"

You jive to hip-hop. 

All the non-catholics think you knew to jive since you were born.

You'll skip the world cup final but not the Christmas dance.

You love going to the local "fete" to watch the parish king and queen contest.

You will play housie even though you may never win anything.

Christmas is not happy, it's merry.

Suits are black, dark blue and grey. Only.

Mazgaon is mazgon, Mahim is mayhim, borivali is brivli, bandra is banruh.

And you are a Mayhim boy or a Banruh girl.

You've never had a grandmother, you've always had a Nana. The same goes for Dada.
The old people in the family call you "puta".

You know at l east one person in Borivali I.C. colony and Orlem.

At a wedding when the M.C. yells "Masala" everyone gets up to dance..

You don't like Remo too much, but if a non-catholic doesn't like him, you'll kick his arse for it.

Vengaboys "Brazil" almost became part of the masala.. still plays sometimes..

Your Hindi is a little better than Michael Jackson's.

Your first tuitions were mainly for Hindi and Marathi

Portugal is your favourite European country.

You know 10 Savio's and 7 Seans. (shawns).

Every 5th catholic you know is either a D'souza or a Fernandes.

You definitely went to a school that had "St" at the start of its name, maybe even the college did.

You can't play cricket to save your life, but you rock at football.

Every 5th person knows to play a guitar or keyboard.

You claim you can't speak Konkani, but in reality, you can use it to win the Nobel Prize for literature.

You utter 9 F's per 3 words.

Bastard is baashturd.

And baashturd is always preceeded by bleddie. 

And if the DJ doesn't play the "masala" he's a bleddie baashturd and u feel like jhaaping or clipping him.

Bastard is also basket.. bleddie basket...

Irritating person = swine.

When you disagree you say "balls".

"Your bum" is another frequently used exclamation.

Your freezer is filled with last years Sorpotel, which if u heat and eat with pao no, its damn tashty men.

You have food with your wine, not vice versa.

The wine you know is only "Port".. what the hell is "chardonnay"

Dry days are only at wine shops..

When you definitely have some relatives in the gulf..

Then you probably also know someone who is a shippii..

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How to do the Olympic Badminton Tango

STEP 1

starting with both feet together put your right leg forward..
                        ....Jwala Gutta and Ashwini Ponnappa win their group B game against Singapore.

STEP 2

Bring right leg back to normal....
                       ...they are told that they dont qualify because of 1 point difference as they are tied with the top 2 teams. they came 3rd based on the difference between points won and lost of all matches.

STEP 3

Take the right leg back...
                        ....there is a announcement that 4 teams are ousted as they lost to manipulate the final round standing, it is said that 4 of the other teams will qualify including the Indian pair.

STEP 4

Bring right leg back to normal position...
                        ...next official announcement is that only the teams from the groups that were disqualified would get a chance which is group A and D. So the Indian team is officially out.

STEP 5

Put your left foot forward...
                        ...the Indian team makes a complain against the Japanese team of doing the same thing.

STEP 6

Bring the left leg back to the normal position...
                         ...the appeal was rejected by the Badminton World Federation

STEP 7

Take the left leg back...
                        ....the Indian team is disappointed...

STEP 8

Bring the left leg back to the normal position...
                       ...watch and cheer the rest of the Indian contingent and hope they get some medals..


and thats how you do a Olympic Badminton Tango.. 

coming up next the Olympic Hockey Twist..

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My Second Painting - Split Angel

Have done one more before this, you can see it here abstract painting, feedback comments appreciated.

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Auggieism #7 - Cooked

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Auggieisim#5 - Raid

Auggieism#6 - Bank Balance

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ViagRISE Mumbai

Dont you think our city is on a high dose of ViagRISE....
here's why

there is RISE in the no of AIDS...
there is RISE in the no of RAIDS..


there is RISE in the case of Burking cops...
there is RISE in the case of Terrorist plots..

there is RISE in the no of Potholes..
there is RISE in the no of Assholes..

there is RISE in tax on Booze...
there is RISE in tax thats on the News...

there is RISE in the price of Fuel...
there is RISE in the price to use the Pool

there is RISE in the case of Pollution...
there is RISE in the case of Population...


there is RISE in the cases of Adulteration..

there is RISE in the cases of Corruption...

dont you think its high time that some of these RISE's fell...

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Auggieism #6 - Bank balance

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Auggieism#4 - Opportunity

Auggieisim#5 - Raid

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Auggieisim # 5 - Raid

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Auggieism#3 - Success

Auggieism#4 - Opportunity

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Auggieism #4 - Opportunity

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Auggieism#2 - Masturbation

Auggieism#3 - Success

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Auggieism #3 - Success

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Auggieism#1 - Wet

Auggieism#2 - Masturbation

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How to make Fried Rice when wife is out

This is what I did while my wife was away for a few days, just FYI  - I don't know how cook (can only fry eggs and noodles besides tea and that's it).  So I took pre cooked stuff and modified it into a interesting dish. Here is how.. 

Step - 1

1. Take some meat that you like.. in this case chicken meat balls.. and fry it up-to 95%.. (I dont know what vegetarians would do here)

Step - 2

2. Remove the fried meat now add the pre cooked rice by wife...

Step -3

3. Add stuff that you like... the secret ingredient is...... you add sauces that suit your pallet... 

Step - 4

4. Add the meat cooked earlier back, stir fry...

Step -5

5. Heat up the other pre cooked meat in this case pepper chicken cooked by wife... (Veggies what you still doing here???)

Step -6

6. Add the cooked meat to the dish... or keep aside for a side dish.. stir till cooked.. make sure you u don't spill too much like in this case..

Step - 7

7. Add other meat (pre heat separately) that was cooked like mutton gravy, pepper chicken and ribs in this case...

Step -8

8. Your lunch is ready.. goes well with beer and wine..and tastes better if you are already 2 glasses down.. 

Cheers !! 

IMAGES SUBJECT TO COPYRIGHT.. 

for more details contact auggieferns@gmail.com

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Fridge Painting

What do you when jobless and bored at home and you have a old fridge that could do with some new paint. Well you paint on it and to make it interesting you make it a painting, at least that's what I did back in 2001. Here is the result.

Well this is a scanned copy of a picture taken back then, the fridge a Kelvinator 165L was really old and this painting took me a good 15 days approx to finish, since the fridge was in function hands would touch the wet paint leaving smudges or a change of colour. Used oil paints and had to mostly wait for 2 days for it to dry before retouching or progressing with it. Had planned some more work on it, but then got a job and there was no time to paint more. It was eventually exchanged for a new one.

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Auggieism 2# - Masturbation

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Auggieism#1 - Wet

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Auggieism 1# - Wet

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Auggieism#2 - Masturbation

Auggieism#3 - Success

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